The Walking Dead: Claimed

Back by popular demand, Ms. Hillary Bauer will once again be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. So hold on to your butts folks, there are walkers abound!

Here’s Review #11:

I’m always a little torn about the revolving door of characters on The Walking Dead.  On the one hand, it makes sense that people would come in and out of your life pretty regularly in the post-apocalypse.  But on the downside, damn, there are a lot of names to remember.  This week, we named ginger G.I. Joe and the American Heroes that popped up last week and ran into a gang of thugs who may or may not have a continuing role in the series.  Mostly, my take away from this episode was just that Michonne is adorable and I want more of her always (even if it means dealing with extra Rick).

The episode starts with a less than subtle shot of a street sign for “Crook Road.”  Alright writers, settle down with the street sign hints you’ve been dropping the last few weeks.  Tara, who is with the army team, obviously has some sort of plan because she sneakily takes down the name of the street in giant letters on her palm in permanent marker.  Just then the truck stops and ginger army man takes out three walkers with a little too much enthusiasm for Tara’s liking.  Although, to his credit, at least someone remembered that shooting walkers is supposed to be a last resort.  He enlists Tara’s help salvaging some cars and says that they have a long trip ahead of them.  This guy makes my skin crawl.  I feel like he’s one of the people who perpetuate the idea that gingers don’t have souls.

Back at Camp Rick, Michonne has cleaned herself up and comes to breakfast with Carl wearing a very sensible oversized button-up.  She pours her cereal longing out loud for some soy milk, which makes me and Carl chuckle.  I love what they do this entire episode as far as building an image of who Michonne was before Zombieland hit with subtle clues like this.  Carl is not impressed though goes on a rant about dairy alternatives before he mentions Judith’s formula and accidentally makes himself sad.

Carl runs off, but Rick still thanks Michonne for cracking Carl’s exterior even for a second.  Michonne asks what the endgame is for them playing house, but Rick gives a wishy-washy answer and tells her to hang tight for now.  Michonne accepts Rick’s response and says that she and Carl should go out on a supply run.  Rick wants to tag along but Michonne is like, “lol, you were pretty much dead yesterday” and tells him to stay behind and rest up.  And then the clouds part and angels begin to sing because Rick actually listens to her.  It’s so nice to have someone around who Rick considers an equal.  Carl is even less obnoxious when he’s talking to Michonne.  She’s like the antidote for Grimes.

Rick sends a cranky Carl and Michonne (who has picked up a delightful vest) on their way before going upstairs for a little R&R.  Rick finally takes off the rag of a shirt that he’s been holding onto for dear life and apparently decides that a plain white t-shirt is the most practical thing he could find in the whole house.  That’ll stay clean forever!  He lays down with a book and the loudest watch in creation to take a seriously needed nap.

Out in the neighborhood, the supply run seems to taking in a pretty serious haul.  Did the people who lived in this town not know that they should bring their non-perishables with them when the world ended?  Leave no can of pumpkin pie filing behind!  Michonne senses that Carl is in a pissy mood and tries to engage him with talk of candy bars and comic books.  This conversation is a sad throw back to earlier in the season when Carl seemed to be getting back to being a kid in the safety of the prison.  That’s pretty much donezo now.

Michonne asks Carl outright if he’s ok, which Carl unconvincingly evades by blaming his funky mood on being tired.  In a last ditch effort to make Carl crack a smile, Michonne busts out a can of crazy cheese and overfills her mouth before opening it wide for him to see.  It’s adorable how hard she’s trying, but honestly the mouth full of processed cheese product makes her 3% less attractive to me in general.

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I want to know what the script said that resulted in this.

Baffled that Carl wasn’t impressed by the cheese stunt, Michonne breaks out the big guns to get him talking and casually mentions her dead three year old son.  She says that her son thought that she was hilarious, which explains the cheese business, because it would have had a toddler in stitches.  Michonne’s truth bomb works because Carl’s interest is peaked and he starts spewing out questions.  Michonne sets the rules for a game where she’ll answer one question per room that they clear.  I’m having flashbacks to my own childhood right now, because this is exactly the kind of hokey game my own mom pulled with me when I was being a brat.

Back at the manor, Rick is just waking up when he hears men’s voices downstairs.  Since one of the men is screaming in pain, it’s a pretty fair assumption that these aren’t guys Rick wants to introduce himself to.  He grabs the telltale watch before doing a totally gratuitous, albeit impressive, barrel roll off the bed when he hears someone coming up the stairs.  Rick grabs a bottle of water (presumably so they won’t assume anyone is in the room and not because he was a little parched) and hides under the bed.  He can see a man in heavy duty boots with a heavy duty gun and is visibly shaking.  The anonymous man clomps around ominously before finally landing on the bed, which apparently has a terrible box spring because he almost crushes Rick when he plops down.

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“This is cozy.  Guess I’ll stay here for the entire episode.”

Out on the supply run, Michonne and Carl start the question game with Carl already looking for loopholes.  He gets his way though and Michonne finally names her son: Andre Anthony.  She also reveals that Andre was an only child and that he did, in fact, die after the world ended.  Carl squeezes out some freebie information and Michonne tells him that she never told anyone about him, including Rick.  Michonne had been very flippant up to this point in the game, but her mood changes when she says that Andre wasn’t really a secret and then trails off.

It is interesting that she hasn’t brought Andre up until this point.  Her demeanor with Carl is completely different than it was even before the prison raid.  She’s relaxed and playful with him even more so than she is with other characters.  It seems like Michonne just didn’t see the point of bringing up her past until she thought it could do some good for someone else to hear about her son.  In this episode, revealing more about herself helps her connect with Carl in a very motherly way.

Then any kind of levity disappears when Michonne opens a freaky painting that had been leaning on a door.  The painting is of a woman, but it’s covered in blood and someone had crossed out her eyes and mouth.  Michonne slowly opens the door with her hand on her sword.  The music gets very dramatic, but it might just be for how effed up the floor plan of this house is.  There’s a bathroom that leads to a young child’s bedroom.  Who does that?  Every time this kid has company he just has to be like, “Don’t mind the toilet on your way in?”

Michonne keeps walking further in to an adjoining room (more stupid architecture).  Inside, she finds the corpses of four children and it looks like the woman from the painting.  It’s kind of hard to tell; she’s pretty decomposed and she shot herself in the face.  But they do both have side braids which is the TV clue for “same person.”  The painting was leaning on the outside of the door so whoever found the bodies had to have been alive and, judging from their alterations to the painting, was none too pleased with mommy dearest’s decision to annihilate the family.

The Psycho–esque tableau obviously strikes a nerve with Michonne who actually wipes a tear from her eye before rushing out of the room.  Carl find her and guesses from how shaken up Michonne looks that there’s a baby in the room she just came out of.  Michonne clutches the handle and blurts out the worst cover story she could have come up with: “It’s a dog.”  Michonne has many skills; evidently lying is not one of them.

Back with Rick, we get more exciting ankle acting from the unfriendlies.  I’m really not enjoying this plotline.  The drama is so manufactured and it goes on for-e-ver.  Right now we have to watch a squabble between two of the unfriendlies from the shin down over who gets to sleep in the big bed.  One of the men falls to the ground and sees Rick, but his comrade in arms chokes him and renders him unconscious before he can call “Boogieman.”  These guys could use some serious teambuilding exercises.

We switch back over to Glenn and Tara on the road with the American Heroes.  Glenn is just coming to and he is not pleased about being on an unplanned road trip in the middle of his search for Maggie.  He forces ginger G.I. Joe to pull the truck over and takes off down the street.  The American Heroes try to stop him and Tara by convincing Glenn that his wife is dead.  Jeez guy, your sales pitch needs work.  Turns out the American Heroes are on a mission from God to save the world.  Ginger G.I. Joe (whose real name is Sgt. Abraham Ford) explains that he and his lady friend, Rosita, are taking a nerd named Eugene to Washington D.C. because he knows why the zombies showed up in the first place.  I’m not crazy about the idea that the fate of humanity lies in the hands of that mullet.  It’s seriously heinous.

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Apparently Eugene has a PhD, but not a mirror.

Glenn tells them “thanks, but no thanks” before losing his temper and starting a fist fight.  While the women try to tear them apart, Eugene is just milling around near the truck looking like a blob of a human being.  Walkers start to wander out of a corn field and I start to cry a little bit.  It’s important to note that I have kind of an irrational fear of corn fields.  They’re like nature made the ultimate hiding place for monsters.  Nothing good has ever come out of a corn field.  Except corn, I guess…

Eugene reacts to the situation about as well as I would have and starts spraying bullets into the crowd of walkers willy nilly.  The others run back and take out the walkers no problem, but the real damage is already done.  In his haphazard attempt at using an automatic weapon, Eugene hit the gas tank rendering it useless.  Abraham looks at the leak and says the only line I’ve enjoyed out of his mouth so far: “Son of a dick!”

Back to Rick.  Still under the bed.  Great.  He realizes though, that now he has to get out.  The unconscious unfriendly is now a ticking time bomb so Rick needs to make his movie before the gang banger wakes up and blows his hiding place.  Rick finds a new room to hide in, but is almost discovered by one of the thugs who is walking around bouncing a tennis ball over and over and over.  Ok, I am not a violent person, but I want to take that tennis ball and shove it down this man’s throat.  This is seriously the most obnoxious thing The Walking Dead has ever written into the show.

Rick tries to escape out the window, but for some reason, these second story windows are just for show and don’t open.  Alright whatever, let’s just go watch Rick sneak around the house poorly for a little while longer.  The unfriendlies are yelling predictably despicable things across the house about Michonne’s recently washed shirt and the fact that she’s probably coming back.  There’s actually a lot of discussion and high reasoning devoted to the friggin shirt.

Rick the spy continues to stomp around the house looking for a way out, when he closes himself in a bathroom to hide.  For reasons I cannot even begin to speculate (because there is no good reason), one of the thugs is in the bathroom sitting on the non-functioning toilet with his pants pulled up.  Is it that he couldn’t find a more suitable chair?  A struggle ensues but Rick gets a garret around the guy’s throat and chokes him out.  So we’re just accepting that the rest of the unfriendlies didn’t hear anything?  Ok.

Luckily, at least one window in the house works and Rick is able to get himself onto the roof and then down to the porch.  I swear, this sequence is actually the loudest Rick has ever been.  He ends up crouching next to the porch when that mothereffer with his mothereffing tennis ball shows up again.  Thank goodness we get to watch Rick hide just out of sight again while this charming specimen of a man spits on him.

Michonne and Carl are just getting back to the house when there’s a commotion in the house that makes tennis ball man rush inside.  Apparently Rick actually killed that guy in the bathroom because shots are fired inside and we can hear walker breathing.  Sweet mother of pearl, is this plotline over yet?  That was a long battle.  It’s hard to tell if the unfriendlies are just a one off plot device or not.  We didn’t actually see most of their faces, but they did go to the trouble of giving them names on IMDB, so we’ll see.

Back at the busted truck, Abraham is telling a charming story about a camel with C-4 shoved up his bum.  Apparently an exploding camel can’t wreck this truck, but a scientist with an adrenaline high and a rapid fire weapon can.  Shouldn’t Eugene have picked up some weapons training by now?  It seems like if he’s been traveling with two marksmen, it would have been worthwhile to ask for a lesson or two.

Glenn decides it’s time to hit the dusty trail so he and Tara turn in their weapons and take off.  Rosita is the first to make the very pragmatic decision to follow them which Eugene signs on for too.  I’m glad they’re tagging along.  Obviously Glenn was never going to abandon the idea of finding Maggie, but I want to see more of this plotline.  I can’t wait to hear Eugene’s pseudoscience!  As they walk along, Abraham is shooting off his mouth to Tara who doesn’t look particularly interested.  She rejects Abraham’s claim that he just wants to save the world because it’s the right thing to do.  I’m with you, Tara.  This guy is a sleaze ball and Rosita could do much better.

To wrap up the episode, we get a shot of Rick et al walking along the railroad tracks.  Seems like we’re doing a lot of that lately.  They come across a sign for the same sanctuary that Carol and her crew are headed to.  For real, do these guys have a post-apocalyptic version of Friend Finder?  These two groups were obviously going to be the next to meet up.  We get Lil’ Ass Kicker back to the boys and the awkwardness of Carol and Rick being reunited.

Looks like we’re heading back into the dark with more walkers and fewer feelings next episode.  See you then!

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

S04 E03: Isolation Review

S04 E04: Indifference

S04 E05: Internment

S04 E06: Live Bait

S04 E07: Dead Weight

S04 E08: Too Far Gone

S04 E09: After

S04 E10: Inmates

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The Walking Dead: After

Back by popular demand, Ms. Hillary Bauer will once again be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. So hold on to your butts folks, there are walkers abound!

But wait – you look like you could use a recap! Check out Hillary’s previous posts, here.

And now for Review #9, the midseason premiere:

The Walking Dead is back, people!  It’s been a long winter up here in Massachusetts without zombies to keep my heart rate up.  In the meantime, the holidays came and went and apparently the most noteworthy thing I did in 2013 was write these recaps because I got a serious amount of zombie swag for Christmas.  I got everything from the graphic novel to zombie cookie cutters, and even a zombie pint glass.  Not to mention a Daryl stuffed animal to keep me safe every Sunday night.  He has a poncho and crossbow; he’s adorable.  I was thrilled to break him in this past Sunday with the mid-season premiere.

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Daryl doll even has the long mullet hair in the back for authenticity’s sake.

I spent the first half of the season complaining about there being too many characters.  Welp, that’s the one thing I can’t say about this episode.  The prison imploded at the hands of the Governor in the mid-season finale and scattered our main players into a million little groups, so we start with one tiny fragment: sleepy Rick and cranky Carl, with a side of Michonne.  Actually, this is just the Carl hour.  Seriously, there’s a lot of Carl.

We open on the screwed up prison (specifically, the tank that Daryl exploded like the bamf that he is).  Michonne is assessing the situation and beheading walkers like it’s no biggie.  She even finds herself some new zombie pets to ward off other walkers.  We watch them run into the pointy sticks, but I’m happy that the arm and jaw removing happened off screen.  Ease me in gently, Walking Dead.  But, of course, that doesn’t happen.  As Michonne is walking away from the prison, she comes across Hershel’s zombie head.  I’m still so not ok with losing that majestic silver stallion!  Michonne puts him out of his misery and busts out the sword for Hershel, resting her hand of his forehead as she pulls it out.  If it wasn’t already obvious that Michonne had a PTSD story arc coming, stabbing the man who was killed next to you cements it.

We swap over to Rick and Carl on the road.  Carl is booking it and leaving his severely injured father in the dust.  Rick yells after him, telling Carl that they have to keep together but can’t even bring himself to reassure his son that they’re gonna be ok.  Optimism is tough when you just lost your home and baby because of your arch-nemesis.  (Sidenote: I’m still holding out hope for Lil’ Ass Kicker.)

The Grimes men come up on a bar and Rick goes into protector mode, telling Carl to keep watch while he goes inside to clear the place.  Carl responds, “LOL, you can’t even walk.  Are we done pretending I’m still a kid now?”  For real though, puberty has hit Carl like a bus since the beginning of the season.  The men find a zombie who is likely the Joe of Joe and Joe Jr.’s.  The only real hint is a note from Joe Jr. that says “Please do what I couldn’t,” which, it is fair to assume, means kill his father.  Rick attempts to take out zombie Joe with a hatchet, but can’t seal the deal.  Carl sees that he’s in trouble and shoots Joe which sets Rick off since he’s pretending that his broken ass is still in charge.  Luckily, the bar has more in it than just hot sauce so the Grimes men grab their booty and move on.  Not to be out done, Carl makes sure to note that he has a bigger haul with a simple, “I win.”

Elsewhere, Michonne is taking her new pets for a walk when she comes across footsteps in the mud.  She appears to assume they belong to someone from the prison gang, but crosses the trail rather than following it.

Rick and Carl find an abandoned house and bust in to clear it.  Rick insists on taking point, but Carl pushes through the house and gets farther in than his father.  When Rick calls him on it, Carl starts banging on the wall and yelling obscenities.  Rick tells him to watch his mouth, but Carl appropriately responds, “Really?!” because honestly, should vocabulary be their biggest concern in the apocalypse?

The downstairs of the house is zombie-free, so Carl moves to the upstairs where he finds a teenage boy’s bedroom.  This scene is actually pretty sad.  Carl’s face lights up at the entertainment center with all its dvds and video games.  (P.S. Those are clearly X-box games next to a Playstation remote #gamergirlproblems.)  The part that makes it a total bummer is that Carl is looking at what his childhood could have been sans zombies.  Carl’s wistful moment passes though, and he rips the cord out of the tv so that he can rig the front door shut.  Rick moves a couch over to reinforce the knot which causes Carl to take offense.  Gah, it’s a good knot, Rick.  Carl even manages to work in a jab by telling Rick that Shane was the one who taught him how to make said knot.  Interesting to note that even though Carl is being a bitchy little thorn in Rick’s side, he’s still running around in daddy’s hat.

And now it’s time to contemplate Michonne’s weird ass dream.  When the scene first starts, it seems like it could be a flashback.  Michonne is cooking for two men talking about a movie which she and her “lover” agree was lame.  Everything seems very classy and normal when, nope, Michonne’s sword is in the kitchen and fits neatly in the knife block.  Then there’s an adorable toddler and things seriously start to unravel.  The two men do a wardrobe switcheroo and go from fancy sweaters to grungy survival clothes.  Conversation gets dark and shits from movies to whether there’s a happy ending for any of them, including the baby.  Dream Michonne is still intent on who’s opening the wine until the men’s arms and the baby disappear.  Then there’s a lot of screaming and fancy Michonne turns back into survival Michonne waking up in a car.  I wonder if those are the same actors who played Michonne’s original pets because, if so, they kept Voodoo from Friday Night Lights on retainer for a long friggin time.

Carl and Rick wake up from their miserably uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, despite there being perfectly fine beds upstairs.  Actually, Rick is aggressively not waking up, despite Carl screaming in his face.  After a bowl of cereal and reading some of The Catcher in the Rye (we can’t really see the book, but that’s what all teenage boys read in tv land), Carl hears a few walkers knocking at the door and goes to investigate.  He finds a pair of zombies trying to break through his apparently awesome knot, and lures them away from the house to kill them.  But then, woopsie, surprise zombie.  Now Carl is three zombies deep and a little boned.  He manages to take out all three of them, but wastes a decent number of bullets and looks visibly shaken by the ordeal.  Plus he pukes a little and gets to drop another “I win” to the dead undead.

Michonne and her pets are wandering through the woods and have picked up quite a few buddies.  I know they didn’t do an exact science explanation about why her zombie pals work, but they are apparently really friggin effective.  Then we get Michonne’s doppelganger zombie.  Mostly it’s just a zombie with dreads, but that’s close enough to identify with, I guess.

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Why isn’t everyone walking around with jawless zombies all the time?

Carl comes back home and tells Rick’s unconscious body about his day of zombie killing, making sure not to leave out any insults or guilt tripping.  Carl’s screaming basically boils down to “I saved your sorry ass and I’d be fine if you died.”  And with that, Carl rolls out to try and find more food in the neighborhood.  He finds a promising looking house and adorably tries to break down the door with his shoulder.  His body sprawled out on the porch seems to indicate that busting through a door is tougher than they make it look in every cop drama ever.  The house, which looks like it could easily belong to anyone in Duck Dynasty doesn’t have much food to offer, but does have a lifetime supply of chocolate pudding.

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“Fine door, I’ll just have to poke you open with a metal spike instead of my wimpy little boy shoulder.”

Carl looks around the house and opens two doors upstairs uneventfully, which means, duh, the third door has a walker behind it.  In case you forgot, we’re watching The Walking Dead; you can’t open that many doors without something trying to eat you.  The walker and Carl fight for a bit before Carl manages to escape, but not before he loses a boot.  This prompts Carl to write a note on the door with chalk which may be the most clever thing his character has ever been scripted: “Walker inside.  Got my shoe.  Didn’t get me.”  If I wandered into that house, I would appreciate the head’s up and the chuckle.

Michonne is still wandering through the woods with her gaggle of zombies, safely protected by her pets.  Her doppel-zombie is still trekking along with them which, all of a sudden, strikes a nerve with Michonne.  And apparently it was her killing nerve, because Michonne goes ape shit crazy on all those walkers and takes them all out, doppel-zombie and her pets included.  With her zombie posse obliterated, Michonne heads back to the road where she originally chose not to follow the trail of other alive people and decides that she should go see who they belong to.

This scene just screams “LAYERS!”  First of all, Michonne does a ton of beheading in the zombie slaughter.  Considering one of the reasons Michonne is so wonky in the head is that she was right next to Hershel when he got beheaded, that seems significant.  Then there’s the fact that the doppel-zombie is what sets her off.  There is literally no difference between her wandering through the woods and Michonne wandering through the woods.  So then Michonne is faced with the question of whether she wants to survive as an empty shell or try to live an actual life with people that she cares about in it.  Killing the doppel-zombie and going back to find the tracks means that, even though she is entirely capable of surviving on her own, she wants people in her life so that she has a reason to live.  Phew, The Walking Dead just had one of its deep moments there.

Carl is taking a nap leaning on his dad when all of a sudden, Rick starts breathing heavy and flailing around in very zombie-like ways.  Carl points the gun at Rick with tears in his eyes, but realizes that he can’t do what Joe Jr. couldn’t either.  He’d rather let his father turn him than shoot and have to go it alone.  This actually turns Carl into an interesting contra-positive to Michonne.  (Suffering through formal logic in college was worth it just to write that sentence.)  Michonne could live alone but chooses not to, whereas Carl wants to be independent, but can’t realistically do it on his own when it comes down to it.  End of the day, Carl lucks out and dad wasn’t a zombie, just a pathetic excuse for a human being who probably should have worked to get some words out before his son almost shot him.

Michonne has made it to the BBQ shack where she sees Joe Jr.’s note and is thrown into a total breakdown.  She starts talking to Mike (her baby daddy from the dream) and even though she doesn’t explicitly say it, I’ve used my powers of perception and dream analysis to extrapolate that Mike probably killed their kid and possibly himself.  I think we pretty much did more back-story exposition about Michonne in this episode than in the entire season and a half that she has been on the show.

Rick is finally awake, so he and Carl decide to talk about their feelings.  Rick finally admits, in the best Batman voice he can muster, that Carl isn’t really a kid anymore.  Carl totally undermines the gesture by admitting that he ate 112 ounces of pudding, but it accidentally works out really well for everyone.  For some reason, the comically oversized empty can of pudding triggers Michonne’s superhuman tracking skills and she finds the exact house that the Grimes men are holed up in.  Michonne is so happy to find the guys and the face that she makes when she realizes that it’s them makes my heart happy too.  Almost as happy as when she knocks on the door and the boys are like “Whaaaa?!”

So we’ve reunited a couple of characters and got to wave at the rest of the cast as they flew by in the preview for next week.  After the insanity of the mid-season finale, this was a pretty mellow return.  Fingers crossed, next week we find the balance between killing Hershel and eating pudding.

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

S04 E03: Isolation Review

S04 E04: Indifference

S04 E05: Internment

S04 E06: Live Bait

S04 E07: Dead Weight

S04 E08: Too Far Gone

The Walking Dead: Too Far Gone

In the coming weeks, Ms. Hillary Bauer will be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. As an aside, this blog is in no way endorsed by the corporate fat-cats at AMC… But it probably should be! *Wink!*

Here’s Review #8, the midseason finale:

I don’t even want to write a recap for this week’s episode of The Walking Dead.  I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry for the indefinite future.  Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on watching shows that always end with my face buried in a pillow yelling “WHY?!”  But then I remember that that’s the exact reason that I do tune into these shows every week.  It is not an easy task to make viewers care about fictional characters to the point that when the writers screw with them, it actually hurts.  The caliber of episodes in season 4 of The Walking Dead has been above average for the series, and the mid-season finale was no exception.  So fine, I will grant that this was a pretty awesome episode, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be happy about it.  Let’s work through the heart palpitations one by one.

We open on the Gov doin what he do: lying to people’s faces and being damn good at it.  He starts with a sheepish disclaimer about how what he’s about to ask of them is a doozey, but ultimately the only way that the group can survive.  Seriously, nobody is ever allowed to use the word “survive” on this show again; the Gov has used up the whole allotment.  The Gov tells the fighters about the nearby prison that is home to the scoundrels who maimed him, burned his home, and killed his daughter.  Why should they have the cushy cinderblock digs while all of the innocent people are on the worst camping trip ever?!  It’s a convincing argument, if you don’t happen to be listening to the speech as a voiceover while watching him kidnap a couple of fan favorites.

The Gov goes on to tell his fighters about his hostages that he just happened to run into with the butt of his pistol.  So don’t worry guys, the campers can get their hands on the prison without shedding a drop of blood!  If there’s one thing that The Walking Dead is known for, it’s their steadfast policy of non-violence.  The campers buy the Gov’s spiel and I don’t fault them for it; even with dramatic irony on my side, the Gov has managed to razzle dazzle me into rooting for him a couple of times since his return.

However, when the campers go to dust off the tank, Lilly pops out from behind them looking decidedly less convinced.  Lilly has said over and over again that she’s perfectly happy building a new life in the camp, and has dealt with the Gov ignoring her over and over again.  But hearing him talk about killing other humans is where she draws the line; especially since the Gov himself just said that they aren’t all bad guys.  He quickly backtracks and declares them all guilty by association, but Lilly still isn’t buying it.  The Gov breaks out the big guns and says the three words sure to placate even the most uppity woman.  He seals it with a kiss and walks off before she can get another word out.

We head over to an RV guarded by jackass Mitch where an aggravated Michonne is yelling at the Gov as he goes about checking in on his prisoners of war.  In line with the Geneva Convention, the Gov offers Michonne and Hershel some food but is only met with death threats from our scrappy samurai lady.  Hershel takes the more pragmatic approach of reasoning with the man who has them tied up with a gun on his hip.  Hershel tries to sell the Gov on the idea that there must be a way that this whole thing can be resolved without any bloodshed.  (Oh Hershel, stay golden.)  The Gov insists that he’s poured himself over the situation and that there is no other way.

In yet another Governor mind-fuck, he sounds sincere about having tried to find a way to resolve the conflict without having to return to the prison.  The Gov is alone in the trailer with two people that he has no need to win over, even if he could, so there isn’t any reason for him to lie here.  Hershel senses this sincerity too, and appeals to what he hopes is the Gov’s rediscovered sensitive side.  Hershel calls the Gov on his vague threat against those who stand in his way and gets to brass tacks: Maggie and Beth are among those standing in his way.  He questions the Gov about how he can look another father in the eye and threaten his daughters.  The Gov looks over his shoulder, says “Because they’re not mine,” drops his mic, and walks away.  Damn son, that’s cold blooded even by Governor standards.

We continue our romp with the Gov to check back in with Lilly.  Why did I even get my hopes up about seeing back inside the prison this week?  The Gov is setting up the non-fighters with the supplies next to a river which he says will keep them safe from walkers.  Lilly keys in on that and asks why they can’t just build their camp by the river if it’s so safe, to which the Gov essentially responds, “jk, it’s not safe here.”  He goes on to insist that all of the safe places are already taken, so they have to take one from somebody else.  This is a weak ass argument if I ever heard one.  Is the Gov seriously making the argument that Georgia is completely full up?  It’s a state, not the Holiday Inn.

With Lilly put in her place, the Gov moves on to find Meghan who is making “peanut butter sandwiches” out of mud.  The apocalypse is rough, but if people start eating mud, I’m throwing myself into a zombie pit.  The Gov asks for a hug and lets muddy Meghan give him a big hug and mess up his jacket before he heads off for his day of killing.  These are the moments that confuse me.  The Gov obviously love this little girl.  Whether he loves her or the idea of her is up for grabs, but he’s obviously invested.

Back at the prison (yay, the prison!), we check in on everybody’s favorite couple, Glenn and Maggie.  Glenn isn’t looking so hot in his post-flu glow, but he’s alive so let’s pick our fights.  This scene does make me super nervous though, because they are being too adorable.  That’s the number one way to get yourself offed in Zombieland!  We also get to see Sasha and PTSD Bob talk and potentially flirt.  Sasha thanks Bob for bringing the antibiotics back, but he’s hung up on sulkily looking at a box.  Is it full of booze?  Basically all we know about his character is that he’s an alcoholic, so that’s the only guess I have right now.

Elsewhere in the prison, we finally get to see Rick tell Daryl about kicking Carol out of the prison.  The whole scene feels like a cheat though.  It’s been a couple of episodes now since Rick pulled his dick move, but I’m still pissed and I still wanted Daryl to punch him in the face.  The pair goes to tell Tyreese the news, but are interrupted by Tyreese’s discovery of a weird art display.  Somebody has dissected a rat and splayed it out on a board.  Remember when somebody was feeding rats to the zombies through the fence and we never addressed the issue again?  Yeah, I forgot about it too.  But apparently we’re going to need to remember it in the second half of the season so the writers are reminding us.  I actually watched this episode with someone who had never seen The Walking Dead before so I was giving them the play-by-play backstory as the episode went on, but we got to this and I was like- “I ain’t got nothin for you about this shit.”

408 ratI hope this is relevant to the plot at some point, because otherwise it’s just gross.

Before Rick has a chance to tell Tyreese that he doesn’t think that the rat artist is the same person who killed Karen, an explosion hits that is so strong, it even shakes our camera!  The Gov has arrived at the prison and he finally gets to yell “Hey Rick, come look at my cannon!”  Even though Rick insists that the council is in charge of decisions now, the Gov insists on throwing our fearless leader into the limelight.  The other prison residents talk amongst themselves about taking off in the bus if things go south and start gathering supplies.  Mostly I’m preoccupied with the fact that I have no idea how many people are supposed to be left in this prison.  The Gov insists that he has more people, but there’s only like twenty guys with him.  Nevertheless, the Gov wants that prison and he is willing to wait hours to get it.

Back by the river, Lilly is standing guard on top of an RV when she sees a walker come out of the tree line across the rapids.  He starts to make some good progress wading into the water when Lilly gets an “oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck” look on her face and stands up, because that’ll help.  Meghan yells for her mother to come and help her dig up something buried in the mud.  Lilly yells back a couple of stock “Mom’s busy right now” responses as she pulls her gun and readies herself for the possibility of shooting her first zombie.  The walker is eventually swept away in the river and everything is clearly fine.

Oh wait!  We’re watching The Walking Dead.  I forgot for a second that once the dramatic music starts to swell, something has to jump out at someone.  It’s like Chekhov’s gun with zombies.  While Lilly was watching the red herring in the river, Meghan was busy digging up a flood warning sign which had apparently been holding a walker underground.  (I wonder if this dead guy was attacked or if he was just a guy who drowned in a flashflood.  I’m pretending it was the latter just because I enjoy the irony.)  The walker pushes out of the muddy Earth and grabs the unsuspecting kiddo.  Unfortunately for Meghan, she’s already used up all of her “get out of jail free” cards and the zombie gets a big ole bite out of her shoulder.

Well, that turn of events certainly dropped my jaw.  The Walking Dead is undeniably dark, but unless I’m mistaken, you can still count the number of named children that they have killed on one hand.  Meghan’s death is particularly interesting looking back at the Gov’s recent development.  Since his supposed rehabilitation, the Gov has insisted over and over again that nothing was going to happen to his new family, which clearly hasn’t worked out.  I had been on board with the idea that his rehabilitation had been a result of having something to fight for again, but maybe his entire on-screen existence has just been a lie.  I’m hard pressed to come up with any honest word he’s said.  Moral of the story: if the Gov tells you that you’re ok, you’re not ok.

The Gov and Rick are still at a standoff when the Gov acknowledges the possibility of a shootout.  He asserts that the campers would win (tank and all), before shooting a couple of walkers in the head.  Remember walkers?  They used to be on our show, like three or four weeks ago.  The shots are sure to attract more walkers, so the clock is ticking as Rick dives head first into one of his trademark inspirational speeches.  He talks about there being enough room for everyone between the different cell blocks and not dealing with each other until everyone has worked through their feelings.  But the Gov is vehement that none of that business is going to work after Woodbury or “after Andrea.”  Damn it!  I know that a lot of people weren’t crazy about Andrea, but Michonne and I liked her and that little comment has us pissed!

The Gov jumps down to hold Michonne’s sword to Hershel’s throat in response, and Maggie and Beth’s reactions make my insides turn.  Rick appeals to the group supporting the Gov (targeting in initially on Tara who has been making unsure faces back there for the entire episode) and offers them a home if they lay down their weapons.  We zoom in on all of our main characters’ listening faces and when we finally get to Hershel’s, I scream at my TV, “Don’t smile you old fool!  That means you’re dead!”  But the Gov is already pulling his sword back, and with the single word “Liar,” the Gov chops poor Hershel.

And then EVERYTHING IS AWFUL ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Even though they just watched him murder a one legged old man, the Gov’s people still stand by him and start firing at the prison population.  Tara is the only one who freaks out and lays down her weapon, despite asshole Mitch’s yelling and the pleading of her girlfriend that they have to go on fighting.  Amid the gunfire, Michonne manages to roll away and the Gov goes about chopping Hershel’s head completely off.  Just as the Gov finishes, he sees Lilly walking up with Meghan in arms.  Seriously though, how did she find them?  She just hopped in a car and instantly knew where the prison was?  Regardless, the Gov takes Meghan and doesn’t skip a beat before shooting her in the head.  Poor Meghan didn’t last long, but at least she deemed herself worthy of the double on-screen kill.  Respect.

408 megProps to Lilly for carrying around a ten year old like it’s nbd.

The Gov decides that if he can’t have the prison, nobody can and orders the tank et al to drive into the prison and “kill everyone.”  The Greene sisters are shooting through the tears when Maggie lays down cover so that Beth can get to the bus.  Before Maggie leaves her with the sick and feeble, Beth asks what she should do if all of the prison fighters don’t make it to the bus in time.  Maggie tells Beth to go without them because “we’ve all got jobs to do.”  AWWW, is it weird that I feel like Hershel was my daddy too?  Beth apparently got confused about what her job was though, because when Maggie finds Glenn and brings him back to the bus, Beth is no where to be found.

The walkers hear the commotion and start working their way into the prison.  A couple of zombies look like they’re about to get the jump on Daryl, but it’s Daryl so he’s obviously got this business under control.  He takes out the offending zombie and then props up the dead guy on a post in the greatest use of undead corpse in this or any show’s history.  I ain’t even mad that those bullets would have definitely gone through the dead guy’s body and taken out Daryl too.  He just strolls up and throws a grenade in the pointy outy gun part of the tank (that’s probably what it’s called) and renders the whole thing useless.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Daryl just took out a tank.  Add that to taking out asshole Mitch and I’m ready to have that crossbow wielding SOB’s children.

In her search to find Beth, Maggie runs into Sasha and PTSD Bob.  In the shootout, Bob manages to get himself winged but is happy that the bullet seems to have passed straight through.  The joy is short lived though as they watch the bus drive away.  The trio runs off to find another way to treat Bob, which leaves Tyreese on his own to fight the campers.  He’s not doing all that well when a shot comes from off-screen taking out one of the campers coming after him.  It’s creepy Lizzie and her Lord of the Flies army!  Except just as I’m coming around to Lizzie and her creepy ways, she shoots Alisha in the head.  Lizzie killed the lezzie!  Still hate her.

In the scuffle, Rick and the Gov have found each other and are partaking in a particularly nasty round of fisticuffs.  Even though Rick seemed to have had the early upper hand, the Gov quickly overtakes him and is in the process of choking Rick out when BAM, Michonne shish kabobs the bastard.  Michonne looks over him one last time before leaving him bloody and dying on the ground.  Lilly is the next person to find him lying there, but she’s not as happy with the profound walk away; she wants him dead.  So, not with a whimper but with a bang, Lilly shoots our dear Governor in the head and ends a season and a half’s worth of suffering.  Part of me is bummed that the last face the Gov sees is a character who has only been on the show for three episodes, but he did just shoot her little girl in the head, so I’ll allow it.

408 swordGo on and sing a round of “Ding dong, the witch is dead” in your head.

Newly released from the Gov’s chokehold, Rick tracks down Carl inside the prison perimeter.  The two Grimes men are relatively alright, but there’s still the issue of Lil’ Ass Kicker.  Neither of them knows where she is, so the blood soaked car seat that they find isn’t exactly a hope inspirer.  I don’t buy it though.  I bet my bottom dollar that when we do the “where are they now” round up after the mid-season break, somebody is gonna have a baby.

So that’s it, folks.  2013 has seen its last of The Walking Dead.  I know I’ll personally be crying from 9-10 EST every Sunday night until February, but I’ll meet you here same bat time, same bat channel when the dead come back to life!

Check out Hillary’s Previous Posts:

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

S04 E03: Isolation Review

S04 E04: Indifference

S04 E05: Internment

S04 E06: Live Bait

S04 E07: Dead Weight

The Walking Dead: Internment

In the coming weeks, Ms. Hillary Bauer will be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. As an aside, this blog is in no way endorsed by the corporate fat-cats at AMC… But it probably should be! *Wink!*

Here’s Review #5:

Hershel, Hershel, and more Hershel.  I would actually like to know what percentage of the screen time for this week’s episode of The Walking Dead the man actually took up.  Although, that does kind of make me nervous for him.  This episode felt an awful lot like a swan song, so it may have been his Emmy push.  But before we get into that, let’s go kill some more people of Woodbury, finally knock down that stupid fence, and talk about why I’m not at all excited about the cliffhanger of the week.

I’m still so mad at Rick!  I don’t feel bad for him looking all tortured in this artsy driving shot (that The Walking Dead has used kind of a lot this year).  In fact, it makes me angry in a way which I don’t think that the writers intended.  Rick is too smug in his torment.  It’s like he wraps himself up in it like a cozy blanket of depression that people comment on, but still deal with.  The only thing I will say for Rick, he’s the least terrible driver on the show.  Not even a mangled zombie being eaten by feral dogs on the side of the road can distract him.  I see a dead squirrel in the middle of the road and the life of everyone around me is in danger.  Maybe Daryl and I can take lessons together.

Back in the death flu clinic, what’s left of the council has moved on to intubating the patients which seems really useless to me.  I realize the point is to reinforce Hershel’s never give up, never surrender attitude, but this is just an exercise in futility that nobody would realistically go along with.  “Here, Sasha, now just pump this bag for literally the rest of that guy’s life.”  Plus, they appear to only have one unit.  Why are we even pretending random curly haired kid is the lucky one when we know that thing is ending up down the throat of a main character?

Hershel makes some cheesy dad jokes about moving spaghetti night, right after they find some spaghetti.  His attempt at levity is entirely unsuccessful since, unfortunately, a room full of terminally ill people is a tough crowd.  Hershel and Glenn go on rounds, which appears to just mean walking around and looking at increasingly gross people.  They find someone that they didn’t get to in time with the magic intubation bag, but Hershel won’t let Glenn off him in Gen Pop.  I get the impression that Maggie and Beth sent some dogs to a farm upstate when they were kids.

Creepy Lizzie shows up and makes me more uncomfortable than any zombie on this show can.  She catches the undertakers wheeling dead Woodbury resident away to “someplace quieter.”  Heaven?  I basically assume everything that comes out of Hershel’s mouth is religious in a way that goes over my head.  He tells Lizzie to go get his copy of Tom Sawyer and read it by the end of the night.  Um, I have a feeling that she hasn’t been able to practice her reading for a while, so she might be a little below her grade level.  Plus, I know they’re in the South, but I’m pretty sure kids get a conversation about racism and historical mistakes nowadays before they get that assignment.

Maggie and Hershel come to the magic window of revelations, where I realize that Maggie is the only person on this show that gets increasingly attractive the more screwed up her hair is.  Hershel gives her one of his less impressive wisdom speeches, but does convince her she can do more good outside of the death flu clinic.  As Hershel leaves, he finds Glenn who lied so that he wouldn’t have to talk to Maggie.  I wanna slap this boy up the back his head!  I hate when characters pull the total BS of keeping their distance so that they don’t hurt their loved ones.  It’s not your decision and you’re hurting them already.  Now go talk to your fiancé!

The next day, Maggie is out at the fence poking zombies by herself.  Is there anyone left not in the death flu clinic?  If so, why aren’t they helping her?!  This stupid fence drives me crazy.  They have offered no good reason why they don’t have everybody down there at all times taking out walkers.  Lame ass plot device…

Rick arrives back alone (raaaaage!) and just starts yelling names in the most frantic way possible, confirming once and for all that Woodbury can eff off since he doesn’t ask about them.  Seriously, he had a pretty long car ride to figure out an entrance and this is what he lands on?  Maggie will surely side with me about everyone’s buddy Carol.  No, Maggie!  He was not right, and not even your perfectly tousled hair can convince me otherwise.

Rick swings by the quarantine daycare to check in on Carl and the other invisible children, and to drop off snack time.  Today the kids are having fruit leather, but only if they brush their teeth after!  Is this why Rick is running around like a chicken with his head cut off?  It’s not like he has actual medication to get to the clinic.  Anyway, Carl calls after Rick to ask when he can come out and play but Rick is still not having it.  Then he drops a douchey exit line about how he may not be able to protect Carl, but it’s still his job to try.  I swear, smugness oozes from this man’s pores.

The clinic has become Hershel’s playground where he’s romping around pretty well on his peg leg.  He goes to check in on Doc S, who has certainly looked better.  Doc S must know he’s having a bad hair day because he is in a crap mood.  If he turned into a zombie right this minute, he wouldn’t want to eat Hershel; he would just want to hurt his feelings.

Doc S was always a little pudgy, but relatively attractive.  This “face exploding” look really isn’t working for him though

Doc S was always a little pudgy, but relatively attractive. This “face exploding” look really isn’t working for him though

Doc S blurts out his opinion on the issue everyone has been tiptoeing around: knock it off with the damn tea and intubation bag and let some bodies hit the floor.  He even has a shotgun hidden under his bed to make sure he gets to be a complete bummer before he dies.  “The Hippocratic Oath” is probably not going to be his dying thought, unless there’s a “fuck” in front of it.

Right after the uplifting words of wisdom from Doc S, Hershel goes to tuck everyone into bed for the night.  A man stumbles out of his cell and dies in front of everyone, which obviously upsets Hershel.  Getting these dying people to stay in bed is like trying to keep down a bratty toddler!  Also, this is what he’s been trying to avoid this whole time.  He wheels the man’s corpse out of Gen Pop and, after a moment of hesitation, stabs his first lost patient in the head.  But where does he happen to be standing?  The magic window of revelations!

Unfortunately, Hershel is only having depressing revelations this week.  Rick happens to be standing behind him and they have a pretty bummer conversation about burning bodies (which they should have been doing all along), Steinbeck quotes, and the world never going back to the way it was before.  When it boils down to it though, Hershel is still very vehement that there’s a plan.  Except Rick, being the jerk that he is, decides to pick a moment where Hershel’s last sliver of hope is very exposed to tell him about Carol.  I think Rick actually enjoys bumming people out.

Maggie and Rick are outside finally trying to do something about the fence.  I’ve been begging for this all season so I should be happy; but I was not begging for THIS.  Whose idea was it to bolster the fence with wood that they’re propping up on a gravel path?  Not to mention that third graders have a better understanding of angles than these two.  Some of those logs are practically lying on the ground.  Humph, let’s just break the damn fence and get it over with.

Things are starting to look pretty grim in the death flu clinic.  Hershel finds Sasha passed out in her cell and takes a little while to get her conscious again.  While he’s with Sasha, other people are dropping like flies.  A zombie barrels out her cell and gets the jump on Hershel which draws several people out of their cells to help: a young blonde who saves Hershel’s life and is promptly shot for her trouble by a man being bitten by his dead son.

Meanwhile, the man Glenn has been helping with the useless intubation bag has proven said bag to be useless and dies.  Glenn conveniently begins to decline quickly at that exact moment and passes out next the newly made zombie.  Lizzie helps Glenn in the creepiest way she can come up with and decides to lure the walker out of the cell by talking to him like he’s a dog.  She did save Glenn just now though, so I’ll give her a break this time.

Look at that sassy pose.  It’s almost like a creepy dance off.

Look at that sassy pose. It’s almost like a creepy dance off.

The fence crew hears the gun shots and Maggie runs inside to help the death flu clinic, but misunderstands how doors work in quarantine and is surprised by the locked door.  She eventually shoots her way in and helps to save her betrothed.  Hershel swings by Doc S’s cell to get the shotgun, but finds that the good doctor has become a zombie in the cell with the only weapon.  Take this knife to the eye as a parting gift.

Once inside the cell, Hershel actually throws the Bible out of his pocket so he can fill them with shotgun casings.  Maaay have just gotten a little heavy handed there, guys.  They manage to get the clinic under control and save Glenn (but damn if they didn’t scare me on that one).  Lizzie comes to the cell where Glenn and Maggie have just reunited and asks if it’s over.  Maggie confirms and Lizzie responds by drawing circles in Glenn’s blood with her boot.  Take a second to read that last sentence again.  Forget what I said before about giving her a break.  I am terrified of that little devil child.

On the fence, Rick has recruited Carl to try and hold up the Hoover Dam with toothpicks.  They obviously fail and DING DONG, THE FENCE IS DEAD!  But there is the problem now of the zombie flood coming at the Grimes men.  Luckily, machine guns are apparently easy enough to use that a thirteen year old can learn how to use one in eleven seconds.  (Disclaimer: I have no idea if they’re technically “machine guns.”  Not a big gun person.)  The boys come back and finish off the herd while they do a little father-son bonding over zombie poking.  Why didn’t they just take out the fence herd this way before?  I know they avoid firing weapons when possible, but this looked like it couldn’t have taken more than fifteen minutes.

The fighters (remember them) are back with the medicine, so now we can cure everyone who’s left with magical antibiotics.  Seriously, antibiotics just have to be in your general vicinity to work immediately.  With everyone back in the prison, Hershel is off duty for the first time in a while.  He goes back to Doc S’s cell and closes the eye that he didn’t stab him through earlier.  Sitting over the body of his dead friend, Hershel picks up his Bible and opens it.  He just starts crying and I can’t even handle it!  It’s like if you see someone break down for the first time and freeze up.  Is this a pat on the back or pour a shot moment?!

Of course they deprive us of Rick telling Daryl about Carol for the week, so all that’s really left is the cliffhanger of the week.  Hmmm, I wonder what that creepy music as we pan back to the perimeter could mean.  “The Governor?!  I thought he was gone forever,” said no one.  They are really going to have to win me over this time around.  His first pass around, The Governor really irked me, because he was just evil for the sake of being evil.  But I will try and keep an open mind moving forward, and see if they can round him out a little bit.

Until next week, my friends!

Check out Hillary’s Previous Posts:

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

S04 E03: Isolation Review

S04 E04: Indifference

The Walking Dead: Indifference

In the coming weeks, Ms. Hillary Bauer will be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. As an aside, this blog is in no way endorsed by the corporate fat-cats at AMC… But it probably should be! *Wink!*

Here’s Review #4:

Well, this week certainly was an angsty one, now wasn’t it?  Half of our heroes are all about fighting internal demons rather than physical monsters; while Carol and Tyreese really take this episode’s title to heart and have no fucks to give today.  Either way, there is almost as much judging going on as when Dale was still on this show.  Gah, sometimes I watch a clip of self-righteous Dale dying just to cheer myself up.  Which he would probably judge me for.  Rick does an impressive job picking up that mantle this week, so let’s go see why I hate Rick now.

The episode starts with Carol talking to creepy little Lizzie before she heads out with Rick for a supply run and a little emotional digging.  Carol tries to bolster Lizzie’s courage about killing her neighbors, but Lizzie apparently enters her pre-teen rebellious stage and tells “Mom” that even if she dies, she isn’t afraid because she’s cool with being a zombie.  Carol essentially responds, “No daughter of mine is going to be a zombie!  Now, don’t call me ‘Mom’ and pull your knife out.”  Sophia probably would have turned out toootally functional if she had lived.

We switch over to our fighters who appear to have outrun literally THOUSANDS of zombies off screen.  How much time is supposed to have passed since last episode?  I really feel like walking around that swarm should have been more of a project.  Anyway, Tyreese isn’t worried about time (since everyone is probably dead), so he decides it’s laundry time and won’t come when called AGAIN.  Forget what I said before about not killing off Tyreese.  Can we get Carol over here to knife him and save us from his douche-baggery?

The group sets out to find a new car and Daryl finds a rock.  I guess it’s a specific kind of rock that he picks up for someone in A block for some purpose?  Anyway, I may not understand Daryl’s occasional mumbling (or geology), but I do understand guilt trips.  Michonne teases him about having friends, but Daryl slams her for taking off so much and then goes to pout with his special pebble.

As a rare treat, The Walking Dead attempts to give random people in Zombieland a sense of humor.  First, Carol and Rick find a station wagon with “Pardon our dust” written on the filthy windows.  A classic, to be sure, but not nearly as good as the gas station where some teenage hoodlums moved around the numbers to spell a word.  Like in elementary school when everyone figured out what “80085” looks like on a scientific calculator!

OIC what you did there.  At first I thought I was just having a stroke.

OIC what you did there. At first I thought I was just having a stroke.

In an attempt to get into the overgrown convenience shop, the fighters take on their greatest challenge yet: zombie bush.  Well, it starts off just a bush, but then Tyreese decides to take his frustrations out on vegetation and accidentally turns it into the most dangerous Chia Pet of all time.  When the walkers start leaping out of the vines, everyone starts killing them.  Except Tyreese, AGAIN.  He continues to be a complete and total a-hole and appears to be trying to hug his zombie, until the others save him.

Tyreese doesn’t have an answer when Michonne calls him on his bullshit; just a stupid, tortured stare.  But Michonne decides that enough is enough and pushes the point.  She asks him straight out if he was really trying to die, or if he even knows what he’s trying to do.  It’s a fair question, because I sure as hell don’t.  Michonne tells him flat out, “Angry makes you stupid, and stupid gets you killed.”  Apparently she needs to get some wisdom counseling from Hershel, because she makes a valid point, but it’s not necessarily the most helpful advice anyone has ever given on this show.

Inside the shop, Daryl and PTSD Bob find a battery as well as a pretty decent spread of auto supplies.  They also find an emptied out bottle of anti-freeze that the bush zombies drank “holding hands, Kumbaya style.”  Daryl and PTSD Bob disagree about whether it’s always worth fighting for survival, or if it’s easier just to go out on your own terms instead of watching everyone you love die horribly.  PTSD Bob pensively looks at a live zombie (oxymoron?) pinned next to a picture of all the shop people being happy before they drank the Kool-aid.  Then he unintentionally takes away a little bit of this zombie guy’s “death with dignity” decision by stabbing him in the head with the men’s room key.

Rick and Carol’s road trip has brought them to a cute little cul-de-sac neighborhood.  Even though the show runners are obviously going for quaint, this doesn’t seem like the greatest strategic move.  If walkers start coming at you down the street, you have willingly put yourself in a corner that requires a very slow 360 to drive out of.  They raid the medicine cabinet of one house and find a walker, as well as two pretty clueless burnout kids who didn’t know there was a dead chick across the hall.  Tweeker boy throws a peach down as a peace offering, but both Rick and Carol just watch it fall on a corpse.  I’m mostly just surprised that these kids didn’t hit the medicine cabinet when they first broke in.

It turns out that they’re a little bit cute though.  Mr. and Mrs. Tweeker talk about how they’ve been fairing in the post-apocalypse and they bust out their meet-cute!  It’s the classic story of boy meets girl, girl nearly gets trampled to death in a fire, boy saves girl and loves her despite her horribly deformed leg.  We even get a new name for zombies: skin eaters!  Someone calls them “deadies” too, but I’m pretending that one didn’t happen.  The Tweekers seem pretty non-threatening, so Rick goes into his “Riddle me these questions three” routine.  They pass!  Rick wants to leave them in the house until it’s time to head out since they’re pretty beat up, but Carol insists that they can help to cover more ground before nightfall.  Rick reluctantly sends the Tweekers off with a gun and his watch.

Rick and Carol have made the rounds and are swinging by a greenhouse the Tweekers mentioned.  They pick tomatoes and reminisce about their pre-zombie lives.  Actually, Rick reminisces and Carol tells some really awful stories about her abusive husband.  All I can think about during this exchange though, is why the hell are they picking around the green tomatoes?!  People are starving, but Rick and Carol are too good for under-ripe produce.  OH OKAY.  Well it turns out that they don’t have to worry about feeding girl Tweeker, because they find her wonky leg a ridiculously far distance away from the rest of her body which is being devoured.  Seriously, how did it get over there?  Was her dying act to throw her screwed up leg fifty feet in the air?

The fighters finally make it to the vet hospital and I get nervous about whether animals turn in to zombies too, because I watched Pet Semetary way too young and it scared me.  Luckily, all the puppies have already been completely eaten (a sentence I never expected to write).  They find the lab surprisingly quickly and without conflict, but then are really picky about what meds they take.  This is the same issue I had with the green tomatoes; there should be nothing on those shelves that they can’t fit in their bags.  Even if you end up with some obscure ones, somebody might get heartworm someday, you don’t know.

Their exit from the hospital is decidedly less graceful and they end up jumping out a window, which works like a charm because apparently zombies can’t get three feet off the ground.  They’re walkers, not climbers.  The zombies are obviously just stuck there so that we can have a dramatic moment between Daryl and PTSD Bob.  PTSD Bob had disclosed to Daryl earlier in the episode that he has a drinking problem that indirectly led to Zach’s death.  At the time, Daryl comforted him with a succinct “That’s bullshit,” but any sympathy is gone.  Instead of loading up on medicine, PTSD Bob filled his pack with liquor he found in the lab and when everyone finds out, they are NOT amused.  Daryl tells PTSD Bob that if he has a single sip before the medicine gets back, he will end him.  And I 100% believe that he would.  I’m pretty sure I would take my chances with the walker swarm if Daryl ever yelled at me like that.

The cul-de-sac crew is all loaded up and debating whether they should leave boy Tweeker behind.  There was no sign of him next to his lady, so he could be fine and on his way back.  Rick wants to wait so that boy Tweeker isn’t stranded alone if he is ok, but Carol insists that they have to leave him regardless.  Then she really gets on the “Indifference” train and says to Rick apologetically, “It was a nice watch.”  Unfortunately, the fact that this is her take away here isn’t about to help Carol out in their next conversation.

Rick and Carol have spent the entire episode discussing changed morality, acceptable losses, and how far is too far.  Even though Rick never asked Carol his three questions directly, he’s decided that she doesn’t pass anymore.  She’s killed countless walkers.  She murdered two people and now is indirectly responsible for the Tweekers’ downfall.  And he doesn’t think that the coldness of her reasoning for it is justified.  All this boils down to Rick deciding that Carol isn’t coming back to the prison.

At least Rick left you with your two favorite weapons.

At least Rick left you with your two favorite weapons.

Um, I am NOT ok with this.  I have so many problems with this that I actually had to remind myself that throwing my remote at the screen won’t actually hurt Rick.  Where does he get off being Carol’s judge, jury, and executioner?  Does he honestly think that this is any different than what Carol did?  If he is concerned about everyone not wanting her there or Tyreese wanting her dead, there should be some sort of trial.  Or he could just keep his mouth shut.  The bottom line here is that Rick is picking Tyreese, the unhinged man who attacked him for no reason, over Carol, who he has known since the beginning and who essentially runs the day to day chores of the prison.  I’ve been saying all season that I love, love, love what they’re doing with Carol and to take her away from us at this point is just cruel.

So there’s no real cliffhanger this week; just a montage of people being pissed and depressed while I sit on my couch and try to invent ways that Carol can come back and punch Rick in the face.  We’re only four Episodes into the season, so there’s still plenty of time!

Until next week, my friends!

Check out Hillary’s Previous Posts:

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

S04 E03: Isolation Review

The Walking Dead: Isolation

In the coming weeks, Ms. Hillary Bauer will be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. As an aside, this blog is in no way endorsed by the corporate fat-cats at AMC… But it probably should be! *Wink!*

Here’s Review #3:

Plot twists can take several forms.  Terrible plot twists are either so obvious that you figure them out forty minutes before the big reveal, or they’re so random that you didn’t see it coming because there’s been zero actual lead up to it and it doesn’t make sense.  Then there’s the type that drops your jaw.  You don’t guess these kinds because, even though the signs are there, they’re subtle and you don’t realize them until after the fact.  This week, The Walking Dead had my jaw on the floor in the best way possible.

However, the cliffhanger of the week did put me in a tricky position.  This recap can go down two roads: a straight recap feigning ignorant bliss, or a look at the foreshadowing leading up to the last two lines.  It’s such a significant game changer, that I can’t UN-know it at this point.  Plus, there wasn’t a lot of plot this week; it was really a character study episode.  So I’m gonna put it on the table:

Carol is a murderer.

There’s really no way around it.  What you really need to look at is the motivation behind her drastic action.  Just last week, I was singing the praises of Carol’s character development and, even though it means Karen’s ghost may come back to haunt me, I stand by this plot decision.  Even if it means breaking Carol for a little while, I’m really interested to see where this twist takes us.  But for now, let’s look at what already has gone down.

As far as I’m concerned, this episode should have been named “Crazy Tyreese is Crazy.”  He is just totally unhinged, and I’m not sure I’m digging it.  I know that Karen and David died a horrible death, but Tyreese is freaking out on three characters that have lost a wife, daughter, and brother between them.  (Carol’s there.  Awkward.)  Tyreese and Karen have only known each other for a couple of months.  Their entire relationship could probably be abbreviated to a minor key version of “Summer Lovin’”.  Not to mention that he doesn’t even know that his sister has death flu yet.  A fact that actually seems to upset him less.

Try to corner the market on depression in this group.

Try to corner the market on depression in this group.

The City Council calls a meeting to figure out a more detailed plan of attack than quarantining people to minimize the spread.  They essentially land on keep quarantining everyone.  Except now we’re locking up the kids too since they’re high risk and fragile.  Glenn takes a jab at his future father-in-law and implies that Hershel should go in time out with the kiddies since he’s old and fragile too.  They also decide that it’s worth hitting up a veterinarian school that’s pretty far out there to look for antibiotics.  For some reason (can vets sense each other?), Hershel knows where the school is and offers to go with the fighters to show them.  Jab #2: Hershel has one leg, womp womp.  Hope his ego can take a hit better than his decrepit old man body.

Rick and Carol are out pumping water to bring to the death flu clinic and realize that it’s clogged up outside the fence.  After Rick decrees that fixing the pipe will have to wait for tomorrow, Carol asks if Carl is upset about being quarantined.  Of course he is, because it’s Carl, but Rick emphasizes the importance of caution.  Carol responds, “Always better to be safe,” while looking at Tyreese in the distance.  Then she sends Rick off to talk to him and rejects an invitation to join him.  Hindsight is 20/20.

Rick goes and apologizes to Crazy Tyreese for bashing his face in, and Tyreese admits that he may share the blame.  Um, duh!  You threw the first psycho punch, bro.  Rick goes into detective mode and admits to not knowing the male burn victim very well.  None of us did.  Did they even cast an actor for him?  Tyreese gets the crazy eyes (I’m assuming the swollen shut eye is being crazy under there too) and says that he’s starting to think that murder is a-okay in Zombieland, and I start to worry about Carol when the truth eventually comes out.

Ya know what, Carl hasn’t been pissy on screen yet this week.  Let’s go do that for a while!  Carl is mad about having to go to quarantine day care, but decides to deal with it as long as he can play Sheriff and shoot sick kids if he has to.  While on patrol in the quarantine, Carl finds Hershel sneaking out the back door alone and unarmed to try and find some herbal remedies in the woods.  Carl realizes he can’t stop the old man and insists on going with him, so now Carl has made one honest to God good decision on this entire show.  Hershel still isn’t too keen on the whole idea though, seeing as Carl killed a teenage boy in cold blood the last time they went for a jaunt.  Luckily, wise ole Hershel manages to keep Carl from shooting anything this time and talks about peace and serenity or something wise like that.

Getting ready to go out on the med run, Daryl and Michonne talk about the good times they’ve had killing zombies and getting the band back together, but decide that they could use some more man power.  Who should we invite?  Glenn and Sascha are dying and Rick is out because he’s sticking close to Carl and Lil’ Ass Kicker.  (I’d like to take a moment to thank Daryl for referring to the baby by her real name.  I never know who they’re talking about when they call her Judith.  I just had to look it up again.)  How about we ask the guy who screwed up the only run he’s been on and the least emotionally stable man in the prison this week!  Seriously, how are any of our original characters still alive?

At first, Tyreese all but laughs in Daryl’s face about going on the run and insists on guarding the death flu clinic.  Then Tyreese has an emotional conversation with Sascha through a window and changes his mind.  Before he and the other road trippers head out, Tyreese tracks down Carol for an intense conversation.  Even if you don’t watch the entire episode again, you should track down this scene.  Tyreese asks Carol to take care of Sascha while he’s gone, and she agrees.  Then Carol stops him and says, “About what happened to Karen… I am so sorry.”  Holy dialogue levels, Batman!

Carol then has the same reaction as I did rewatching this and knocks a bunch of shit over.  The first time I watched this, I thought she was just taking on too much responsibility as the camp caregiver, especially because one of her adopted daughters just had to go into the death flu clinic.  But this is obviously a full on meltdown that is far from over.

After an entire episode of “let’s make grandpa feel useless,” Hershel finds a way that he believes he can help with the crisis.  Unfortunately, it’s by making tea which doesn’t really make him seem any less old.  BUT, Hershel wants to deliver it to the death flu clinic himself and at least gets to up the nobility factor.  Maggie catches him before he does and begs him not to walk into what is starting to feel like his certain death.  Hershel drops one of his “wisest man alive” speeches and forces Maggie to see that he has to do this.

The death flu clinic is actually the most disturbing part of this episode.  It’s dark, dingy, and full of the dead and dying.  Plus, all that echo-y coughing in the background is super annoying.  I can’t complain too much though, I’ve been sick for a week and my cough would definitely have me bunking with the lady who claimed allergies.  Turns out Doc S is in rough shape, so it’s time for Hershel to leap into action with his magic berry tea!  Right after the good doctor coughs blood all over Hershel’s face…  If anyone knows to cover their mouth, shouldn’t it be the medical professional?  Actually, the saddest thing about this is that Hershel takes off his desperado bandana mask.  Adios, outlaw Hershel.

It’s actually been irking me for these first three episodes that The Walking Dead has been leaning on the Red Shirt cliché way too much.  For the non-Trekkies out there, the Red Shirt comes from Star Trek.  It’s a pattern that people noticed that when the away team beams out on a mission, whoever is wearing the red uniform is the one who’s going to die.  Generally, they’re an actor who has never been on the show before and the only one on the team that isn’t a principal character.  The Red Shirt is someone who is introduced for the sole purpose of dying.  Between Karen, Zach, Harry Potter zombie, and now it’s looking like Doc S (not to mention half of Woodbury), this season is already littered with them.  Knock it off, writers!  Now go kill someone I care about so I can mope!

Perhaps our away team looking for meds will deliver.  Daryl et al are driving down a pretty country road listening to Daryl talk.  For a fifty minute drive, he picked literally the three least chatty road trip buddies.  That means it’s time to play with the radio and raid Zach’s CD collection.  But before I can confirm that derpy Zach was totally into Weezer and other dork fodder, a weak voice comes through the radio.  Daryl gets distracted playing with the dial and starts hitting walkers right and left.  There’s a safety lesson here: let the co-pilot fiddle with the jams.

Turns out that we didn’t just run into a few walkers.  It’s the friggin Great Wall of Zombies!  Daryl tries to hightail it out of there in reverse, but gets caught up on a pile of downed walkers.  This would have been a pretty basic sequence of stabbing zombies in the head, if not for Daryl beltsanding off that guy’s head with the rear tire.  Even if he didn’t mean to, I’m still happy that it happened.  Everyone makes a run for it to try and get into the woods.

Everyone except Tyreese, that is.  Whatta ya doin’, man?!  Even awful PTSD man is doing better than you here!  The rest of our fighters decide he’s not coming and they have to soldier on without him.  Before they leave though, they see Tyreese get out of the car and disappear yelling in the middle of a mob of zombies.  Aw, crazy Tyreese was distracting the zombies so the others could get away.  Too bad he could never get out of that mess.  Wrong-o!  He comes stumbling behind them holding nothing else but a freaking hammer.  I’m sorry, is Tyreese post-apocalyptic THOR now?!  OKAY.

403 hammertime

To finish things up, we come back around to Carol.  Still in meltdown mode, she decides to go out and fix the water line by herself.  The zombies mostly seem distracted by the weird bicycle water pump thing that they’ve rigged up (can’t wait for the random engineer to pop up at some point), so she doesn’t look like she’s in too much trouble.  That is, until she starts fixing the nozzle in the loudest friggin way possible.  Rick saves her, presumably just so he can yell at her.  Because that’s how Rick rolls.

Jeezum crow, people.  Between Hershel, Tyreese, and now Carol, it’s like everyone has a death wish this week.  We are still watching a show about survival and not elaborate ways to commit suicide by zombie, right?  Maybe people will feel like trying to stay alive next week.

Check out Hillary’s Previous Posts:

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review

S04 E02: Infected Review

The Walking Dead: Infected

In the coming weeks, Ms. Hillary Bauer will be offering Episode-by-Episode reviews and recaps for TV’s most beloved Zombie Apocalypse Thriller: The Walking Dead. As an aside, this blog is in no way endorsed by the corporate fat-cats at AMC… But it probably should be! *Wink!*

Here’s Review #2:

Time for episode two!  I was a little wary of this episode going in after I saw the title.  I know it can’t be all walker killing all the time, but sometimes in the past, it’s felt like there aren’t a lot of zombies on my zombie show at all.  Remember when we just hung out and did laundry in a pretty comfy farmhouse for a season?  So, if this was just going to turn into an episode about a non-zombie health crisis…  But how wrong I was!  This was a downright gory episode.  Throw in a little animal cruelty and the squeem factor got pretty high.

Is it just me, or is The Walking Dead the darkest show on television?  Yes, the content is dark, but visually, I feel like I was squinting at the screen for the first ten minutes of this episode.  To their credit though, this show has successfully trained me to the point that I am completely freaked out by flashlights.  Especially when that flashlight is pointed at a rat getting its head cut off.  For what reason?  We don’t have nearly all the puzzle pieces yet, but this scene did immediately prompt me to burst into song.  Listen all ya’ll, IT’S SABOTAGE.  It’s purely speculation at this point, but this level of sneakiness smacks of the Governor.  Just working on how still…

Inside, Tyreese and Karen are canoodling (still in the dark) and honoring Zach.  Ok, pause for a second to remember who Zach is, realize we didn’t really care about him that much, and now it’s bed time.  Karen turns down Tyreese’s invitation back to his place and instead decides to wander around in the dark by herself with a flickering flashlight.

I take issue with this scene.  I know that they all feel complacent behind the prison walls, but I feel like all security protocol shouldn’t be thrown out the window.  First of all, how about a buddy system?  Even if Karen wasn’t feeling frisky, big burly man singing “I’ve got you” isn’t a bad roommate/bathroom escort to have in Zombieland.  Plus, are these guys serious with the shower curtains LITERALLY all over the place?  Modesty be damned!  I don’t want anything sneaking up on me Psycho-style.  And why is nobody locking their jail cells at night?  Even if you’re not worried about zombies getting through the fence, what if someone, oh I don’t know, dies of natural causes in the shower and comes back undead?  No sympathy for you, random sleeping man.  Enjoy your emptied out torso. (How sweet was it when he stood up though, right?)

A moment of philosophical quandary:  is Harry Potter zombie still Harry Potter zombie if he lost his glasses?  Welp, he’s dead now so I’m not learning his real name.  I am kind of curious about him though.  HP seems to be moving differently than the other zombies.  He’s faster and a little more deliberate.  Plus, he spends a long time eating the same person rather than getting distracted and moving on.  This might be my imagination, so I’ll leave it for now.

402 harry potter

Manners first.

Morning breaks, and Glenn and Maggie are being adorable in the honeymoon suite.  Except, how much film does Maggie think is left in the world that she can be throwing away pictures?  Polaroid film was impossible to come by even before the apocalypse.

Michonne is also being adorable as she’s getting ready to go out on another run and trading jabs with Carl about comic books and stale M&M’s.  This new, less guarded Michonne could potentially be getting a little heavy handed.  But I like the idea of characters like Michonne and Daryl going through positive growth, instead of just watching Rick swing through character transformations like a ballistic pendulum.  Somebody pointed out to me though, that giving Carl a new mother figure, could lead down the slippery slope of a potential Michonne/Rick hookup.  Please God, no!  It makes no sense.  Plus, I always shipped the subtext between Michonne and Andrea.

(Side note:  Are gay people really bad at fighting zombies?!  Thinking about Andrea and Michonne made me realize that I can’t come up with a single out character that’s been on this show.  I’m gonna pretend it’s because we’re in the South and all the queers are up in Massachusetts rebuilding society.)

Anyway, just as I start verbally begging Michonne not to go, I luck out and everyone starts dying!  We hear gunshots and Michonne turns around to come back, but at kind of a leisurely pace.  She practically stops to fix her outfit.  As punishment, she twists her ankle while flipping a walker onto the pointy fence.  In my head, I’m secretly pumped because now she can’t leave me for a while!  Maggie saves her and all of a sudden, I realize that I want nothing more in my life than for them to become best friends.

402 mag mich

Can we make this ship happen, pretty please?

Inside the cell block, things are pretty gruesome.  The Trojan Horse zombies have claimed more people and the number of bite victims is increasing exponentially.  Rick starts doing a pretty good job of evacuating people, but is crap when it comes to actual zombie killing.  He even gives away a gun that someone hands to him.  Luckily, Daryl picks up the slack and goes into ultimate fighter mode.  He even saves a couple of kids, because obviously Daryl is the post-apocalypse version of a St. Jude cancer researcher.

Carol is right behind him, cementing her place as the secret hero of The Walking Dead.  Sure, she’ll run Café Zombé and volunteer for story time.  But don’t get it twisted, she will cut your freaking arm off at the drop of a hat if it means saving your life.  Unfortunately for the man she tries to save in this battle, amputating neck wounds doesn’t generally work out so well and she realizes he’s a goner.  This man’s dying wish is that Carol watch after his two soon to be orphaned daughters, “like they’re [her] own,” which obviously strikes a nerve.  Carol accepts the responsibility and immediately starts dropping some knowledge bombs on these girls about life and death decisions and how sometimes that means stabbing daddy in the head.  No time for grieving in Zombieland.

What’s really interesting about this scene is the difference between meek, battered Carol from Seasons 1 and 2 interacting with her own daughter and how she speaks to her two new charges.  She clearly has no intention of letting these girls meet the same end as her Sophia.  As far as I’m concerned, Carol has had the most consistent and delicately handled character transformation of anyone on this show.  Hey, writers room for The Walking Dead!  More of this, please.

After the last of the bitten residents have died, there’s a very eerie scene that really brings home how messed up this massacre really was.  As they prevent all of the infected corpses from coming back as walkers, it has obviously hit everyone that these aren’t anonymous zombies that they ran into in the woods; these are the people of their community.  Glenn had to stomp on the skull of a woman that he may have had breakfast plans with that morning.  After real life tragedies, people always say, “You never think it will happen to you.”  This scene really has that feel to it.

While investigating what actually happened, Rick determines, after approximately 30 seconds of investigation, that some of the sick walkers don’t have any bite marks.  But how can this be?!  Thank goodness, a doctor that we had no idea existed is here to explain.  He uses a lot of biology words, but then pulls the classic sci-fi trick of breaking down terribly complex science to an easy to understand metaphor.  This dead guy is a shaken up can of soda that blew his top!

Turns out that the infection is actually an aggressive flu that was around before the zombies came.  If I was iffy at all about getting a flu shot this year, I’m officially shelling out the $25 now.  Now that we know what our contagion is, the City Council assembles to process the shit storm that has just occurred.  They decide that anyone who was in the cell block should be taken out of Gen Pop, and then a conveniently timed cough makes everyone freak the eff out.  It’s Karen.  Womp, womp.  Let this be a lesson, never be too happy at the beginning of an episode of The Walking Dead.

Daryl goes to take care of the dead and even though we literally just talked about how contagious the Death Flu is, he wears the worst possible gloves and mask available to bury them.  Also, I’ve got quite a bit of dystopian fiction under my belt, and I’m pretty sure that they should burning those bodies someplace off site instead of burying them next to the food supply.  Why isn’t our new doctor friend chiming in on this?!  Well, at least Carl has something to do with the crosses that he’s making in creepy, remedial shop class.

The worst funeral ever is interrupted by a mob of zombies that were attracted by all the hubbub and are now joining the effort to take down the already questionable fence.  Catching up on your reading and redecorating your jail cell are all well and good, but why has nobody thought about reinforcing that fence in the whole time they’ve been there?  Now all our main players are looking supremely boned.  Except, it is essentially all of our main players, so of course Rick is gonna get the crazy glimmer in his eye and save the day.

EXCEPT THIS SOLUTION IS NOT OKAY, RICK.  For real, this scene makes me the most upset that I have ever been watching this show.  He slices those poor little piggies so slowly and then throws them to be killed so terribly and it’s tearing me apart from the inside.  I don’t even care that they probably brought Death Flu to the prison.  I say the people should have died and the animals should have lived.  I would watch a show about adorable pigs frolicking with zombies.

I’m so worked up, I don’t even want to see the cliffhanger of the week.  Except it looks kind of interesting and confusing, so I’m back in.  Tyreese goes to bring Karen some flowers in the totally unprotected quarantine area, and finds a trail of blood.  He obviously follows the blood super duper slowly, because there’s probably nothing to be alarmed about.  Just your girlfriend’s smoldering body.

Or is it?!  I’m always wary of unrecognizable burn victims when there’s a saboteur on the loose.  It’s one of my mottos in life.

Check out Hillary’s Previous Post:

S04 E01: 30 Days Without An Accident Review