Everybody has that one public figure that represents their own pinnacle of perfection. For me, it’s Jim Henson. For AJ, it’s, I dunno, Malcolm Gladwell or Dr. Oz or some shit. Y’all understand – there are people everywhere who go out and achieve big things, and they inspire the rest of us to become giants. So here’s a thought for a couple parents-to-be: what about our canine companions?
AJ and I want a dog that’s gonna be the best ever. Ambitious, loyal, not stupid… Which is why the more fun of its two daddies (Yes, Spencer) will have a few mandatory motion pictures under the Xmas tree. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and we’ll be damned if we don’t give our mutt the proper tools for survival. Here are the top role-models we’ll be introducing to our four-legged friend:
Yes, the fire dog Pokemon. Not like I should have to explain, but here it is for the uninitiated (ie, folks born before 1985): First, he’s the size of horse, so you can ride the darn thing. Yep, even as an adult. Second, he’s got tiger stripes, and the thought of a tiger/domestic dog hybrid is literally the most perfect thing I could ever think of. Third, and most importantly, this would be a pet so powerful, it would feed and protect us. It produces its own heat, which means we could easily have it live outside guilt-free, which also means we would never have to get up at 5 in the morning to take it out for a tinkle. And when we’re snowed in, he’ll flamethrower our way out. What better ideal for a young mutt to try to live up to? Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, can someone seriously figure out how to bioengineer this thing?
2. Shadow and Chance from Homeward Bound
So these two are very ying-yang, but each represent wonderful qualities that any parent would love. Shadow is wise, even-tempered, and cat-tolerant. Chance is playful, energetic, and boisterous. Together they manage to travel approximately eleventy billion miles to find their family. No compass, no road map, just pure unadulterated instinct. They’ve also mastered the secret art of telepathy, which is nothing to sneeze at. But above all, they manage, even when hungry and desperate, NOT to eat the snooty house cat that follows them around. That right there is a miracle.
Speaking of miracles, this little trooper’s resilience made it an icon of good dogs. Talk about bending over backwards – this champ returned to a train station to meet his owner every day for 9 years after the poor sap passed away. In the off-chance he would rise from the dead and return, Hachi the adorable Akita would be waiting. He still is, in fact. That story was so moving to so many people, they built a statue in the dog’s honor, which has sat there patiently since 1948. Even Richard Gere took notice and played his ill-fated master in a movie!
Something tells me the owner has yet to make it back, but I’m willing to bet Statued Hachi gets a TON of visitors, some of which are bound to be way cooler than the first guy. That’s gotta count for somethin’. I can only hope that when AJ or I meet our maker in the midst of saving orphans from a house fire or retrieving the survivors of a sinking ship, our dog will do something equally awesome in our honor and get bronzified for it.
We can only hope. Today, we’re continuing our search. In the meantime, our sister Paige beat us to the punch.
Say hello to our new niece, Gypsy. Ain’t she the sweetest?
‘Til next week, my lovelies!