The Enterprise crew, headed by the instinctive Captain Kirk and his highly logical right-hand man Spock, band together in pursuit of their latest adversary – an elusive and dangerous rogue Starfleet agent.
Why we went
All joking aside, I really want to see Kirk and Spock kiss. I vow to keep seeing these movies until that happens.
Why it (pretty much) worked
Below is a transcribed letter straight from the trash of J.J. Abrams’ LA home. In the brackets, you will find my personal interjections.
J.J. Abrams’ ‘How to Make a Successful Star Trek Sequel’ Checklist [Yes, he refers to himself in the third person]:
✔ Open with a brand new, visually spectacular element [Nibiru] that really has nothing to do with the rest of the story [such a tease, seeing as its far and away the best sequence in the movie].
✔ The ultimate victory is seeing a Vulcan cry. Up the ante for Spock.
✔ Add Lens flare. While we’re on the subject, get a patent for that shit. [I happen to like this visual touch, but there’s definitely a lot of it]
✔ Don’t get hung up on silly little “plot-holes”. [Not that the last one did, but anyway…]
✔ Include the obligatory Leonard Nimoy cameo, even if its placement feels totally awkward in the greater story [It does] People like him [They do]. Besides, he practically pays us to make appearances at this point.
✔ Nerds want to see themselves in these movies; Give Simon Pegg more screen time. [Well played]
✔ Offer potential plot developments that veer right back to the familiar, just to freak everybody out [You know how bad horror films bombard their audiences with false scares til it becomes meaningless? Its kinda like that].
✔ Gratuitous body shots of pretty young people. [I won’t complain here, though none of ’em rival Benedict’s deleted shower scene]
✔ Really drive home the blatantly homoerotic tension between Kirk and Spock. [Its totally there]
✔ Don’t forget the lens flare.
The script may be rife with narrative plot-holes and “takebacks”, but the style and fun factor will please fans of the rebooted Abrams series.